In a previous blog post we talked about Narcissistic Personality Disorder. But what is narcissistic abuse?
Narcissistic abuse is abuse that a person engages in who has narcissistic behaviours or traits.
It is rare that someone will seek out a diagnosis for narcissism, because a diagnosis requires and individual to seek out help for their behaviour and express to a professional that they are struggling with it. Narcissists lack the ability to be truly reflective about their behaviours and will often attribute what happens to them as the fault of other people, and not their own behaviours. So someone may be a narcissist, but never be diagnosed as such.
Narcissistic abuse is perpetrated by people who are likely narcissistic but have no diagnosis, or they act in a narcissistic (or self serving) way.
Some Signs of Narcissistic Abuse
Narcissistic abusers work in cycles, where they will change their behaviour up constantly so their victim doesn't know where they stand, They will cycle from being a nice person, to bullying, aggressive and abusive behaviour. Then will then fake huge apologies (and maybe even cry!) blaming their behaviour on outside things (like their job, their ex, stress, etc) rather than taking any accountability and actually changing their actions. After the apology comes the period of being nice again, (which reminds you of what they were like when you were first dating) but before long, you start walking on eggshells again as you know they are going to erupt again.
Love Bombing: In the beginning of the relationship you felt like they were your soul mate. You couldn't believe how perfect you were for each other and how invested they seemed in your relationship. Love bombing moves very quickly with declarations of love soon after meeting you or saying things like they have never felt this way before with anyone but you. Healthy relationships move at a pace where people can get to know one another properly.
Playing The Victim: Some phases give away narcissistic abusers very quickly. Ones like "my ex was crazy", "my ex keeps me from my kids". A healthy healed person would say things like "My ex and I split because we weren't a good match" Notice the 'we' because healthy people can reflect and take accountability for their part.
Gaslighting: The narcissistic abuser will have you doubting your own reality and whether things have actually happened.
Emotional and Verbal Abuse: They will tear you down and then blame you for how they are acting.
Physical abuse: Narcissists might not all get physically abusive, but they almost al; threaten it or just physical intimidation on their victims i.e. throwing things, punching holes in doors, slamming things down.
Breadcrumbing: When a narcissistic will withdraw most of their attention and just throw you scraps of their attention, or breadcrumbs. This can be a way of punishing you as you haven't acted how they want you to.
Isolation: The narcissist will slowly bully you into not spending time with friends or family. This starts very slowly at first and they may even encourage you to go out with friends or family, but then call or message you constantly while you're out, with fake concern for you. When you get home, they pick a fight with you and you feel like it's easier just to not go out next time.
Hoovering: When the narcissist apologises they will then start to hoover you, i.e. suck you back up and under their spell again. They will bend over backwards to act like a nice person to get you to comply with them again.
Projection: A narcissist will never take accountability for their own actions. You will likely hear them say that their ex is crazy for example. When a narcissist is in the discard phase with you, they will also use DARVO techniques on you (Deny, Attack and Reverse the Victim and Offender).
These are only some of the signs that someone you are dealing with is a narcissistic person and an abuser. Did any of these sound familiar to you? If so leave us a comment.
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