The term "narcissist" gets thrown around quite a lot these days as more and more people become aware of narcissistic traits in people. However, having these traits doesn't necessarily make someone a true narcissist. While a narcissist is extremely unlikely to get professional help and therefore extremely unlikely to get a formal diagnosis of NPD, if they were, they would have to meet at least five of nine specific criteria. the nine traits of NPD are:
A grandiose sense of self
Lack of empathy
A sense of entitlement
Envy of others or a belief others are envious of them
Interpersonally exploitative behaviour
A belief that they are special and unique
A preoccupation with fantasies of success, power, beauty etc
A need for excessive admiration
A demonstration of arrogance and haughty behaviours and attitudes
What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder? NPD is a cluster-B personality disorder. It is often associated with unresolved trauma including childhood traumas, that they are unwilling to heal. A person with NPD often suffers from low self-esteem which causes the need for excessive admiration from others and the need to make themselves, and those around them, believe they are better than they are.
There are many different kinds of manipulation techniques that narcissists will use to begin and maintain relationships. Narcissists cannot make deep emotional connections and their relationships with people whether it is a partner, friend or even their children, are level for their personal gain. They will use these people and take advantage of them, disposing and reattaching with them as and when they need them for something. They do not feel empathy, guilt or shame in the way other people do. This allows them to use others without remorse. This is often why narcissists can do things like cheat on their partner and be verbally and physically abusive towards others.
Narcissists can isolate you from friends and family so that you lose your support system and begin to depend on them for everything. This is because they need to gain control over you to continue behaving in any way they wish without consequences. They will play the victim in all scenarios and become extremely defensive and hostile if you ever try to question them about their behaviour. They will gaslight you and lie pathologically, even if you have evidence of something they have said or done. They will flip the narrative to make you the bad guy until you believe that you are.
When you engage in a relationship with a narcissist, you will often find yourself questioning your reality and as time goes on, you will most likely lose your sense of self. You may display toxic behaviours yourself such as becoming aggressive and argumentative. Being subject to narcissistic abuse physically changes the structure of your brain. Like any kind of abuse, it can result in CPTSD and other mental health issues due to constantly living in fight or flight mode.
Love in a romantic relationship with a narcissist is not real love. While you may worship them, they will only "love" you for what you can offer them. They might "love" that you are dismissive of their behaviour because you are too scared to confront them. They might "love" you because you defend them and hype them up to others. Anything that you do that benefits them and their agenda is what they love you for but this is nowhere close to the true definition of real love, no matter how much you adore them.
Nobody is perfect and all relationships, romantic or not, have ups and downs and people may say or do things that can be considered toxic. This is not indicative of NPD. NPD is a complex personality disorder that is years, sometimes decades in the making. Someone with NPD will have always been the way they are and always will be that way unless they seek professional help. They will display most, if not all, of the above behaviour constantly and in a way that is intentionally degrading, manipulative and malicious.
Getting out of, and healing, from narcissistic abuse is hard but it can be done with the right support. If you believe you are in a relationship with a narcissist or need help to move on after leaving a narcissistic relationship, book a free consultation with us today and make a start on improving yourself, loving yourself and forgiving yourself so that you can heal in the healthiest way possible and elevate your life.
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